There comes a time when a person feels like it is their time to speak out against something.  Whether it be social injustice, political injustice, legal injustice, or any variety of _____al injustices; this “call to action” seems to transcend race, gender, intelligence, personality, status, era, etc.  No matter how large or small the issue may be, each individual can either recall or will eventually experience a time in his/her lives where they feel summoned to uproot the establishment of the issue in question.  It’s human nature.

     It just so happens that I feel a “call to action” a lot more frequently than most people who aren’t currently incarcerated or leading a conspiracy-laden internet crusade (stay tuned on that one).  It also just so happens that these “calls” are generally of the most immature and petty nature… possible.  For example:

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Hi again,

First order of business:

Thanks to those of you who sent me encouraging emails/comments about the last entry.  I never would have imagined that my most popular post-to-date would be related to poop & pee… perhaps there is hope for this world after all?

____________________________________________

Before we embark on our next magic-filled journey, I need to take a quick survey.

Note:  This is a more physically demanding survey than most of you are used to.  It is strongly recommended that before beginning, you put on a sturdy pair of shoes and clear all passages that may block you from going outdoors.

Note pt. 2:  Once you have answered “No” to any of the following questions in the sequence, you may stop participating and continue with the article.

Ready?

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     Aside from what readers may think of me, I consider myself to be a fairly open-minded guy.  I have read a decent variety of things over the years.  I took a Psychology of Women class.  I listen to some rap.  I’m “with-it,” at least compared to most 18-24 y/o white males who grew up in the south.  However, there are a few things in life that I absolutely cannot stand.  (The July 11^th entry is a fine example) 

     I thought it wouldn’t hurt to take a little time to discuss an issue that has bothered me my entire life.  My memory is a little fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure this was my very first complaint; the first in a long line of complaints that will eventually become the basis of my writing.  (By the way, spare me the: “taking the time to write about it will just further empower it man” speeches.  Nine times out of ten I would completely agree, but when it comes to this particular issue, the “empowered-ness” is already out of control.)  Of course, I’m talking about the oldest and most insanely brainless battle that has gone on since the Romans invented aqueducts: Toilet Seat-up vs. Toilet Seat-down.

     Let me preface my approaching rant by saying that I know that whatever arguments I make, nothing will ever change.  I am aware of that.  I’m not operating under the delusion that I can change the world with one meaningless essay that will be read by a few people on their lunch-break.  Besides, this ongoing struggle between man and toilet seat goes WAY back.  All the way back to the beginning of time:

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To quote Stephen King in his book On Writing, “This is a short book because most books about writing are filled with bullshit… I figured the shorter the book, the less the bullshit.”

I really like that quote. 

This blog has nothing to do with Stephen King or his particular tenets about the art of writing, but I think that philosophy can be applied to a wide variety of different subjects.  Writing should be to the point, with a low percentage of bullshit.  I’m not saying that I won’t have fun with the things I write, but I think it’s important to be thoughtful while doing so.  It is what separates most good humorists from total hacks like Larry the Cable Guy and Carlos Mencia.

This is not my first attempt at self-published internet dribble.  Many of the people who will read this weblog are familiar with my past projects.  Be warned, I still haven’t grown-up.  For those of you who don’t know me, I will spare you from any long-winded, uninteresting autobiographies.  If you really want to know more about me, feel free to visit the about section found in the top right corner (it’s brief). 

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