August 1, 2007
· Filed under The stuff championships are made of
There comes a time when a person feels like it is their time to speak out against something. Whether it be social injustice, political injustice, legal injustice, or any variety of _____al injustices; this “call to action” seems to transcend race, gender, intelligence, personality, status, era, etc. No matter how large or small the issue may be, each individual can either recall or will eventually experience a time in his/her lives where they feel summoned to uproot the establishment of the issue in question. It’s human nature.
It just so happens that I feel a “call to action” a lot more frequently than most people who aren’t currently incarcerated or leading a conspiracy-laden internet crusade (stay tuned on that one). It also just so happens that these “calls” are generally of the most immature and petty nature… possible. For example:
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July 25, 2007
· Filed under The stuff championships are made of
Hi again,
First order of business:
Thanks to those of you who sent me encouraging emails/comments about the last entry. I never would have imagined that my most popular post-to-date would be related to poop & pee… perhaps there is hope for this world after all?
____________________________________________
Before we embark on our next magic-filled journey, I need to take a quick survey.
Note: This is a more physically demanding survey than most of you are used to. It is strongly recommended that before beginning, you put on a sturdy pair of shoes and clear all passages that may block you from going outdoors.
Note pt. 2: Once you have answered “No” to any of the following questions in the sequence, you may stop participating and continue with the article.
Ready?
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July 17, 2007
· Filed under The stuff championships are made of
Aside from what readers may think of me, I consider myself to be a fairly open-minded guy. I have read a decent variety of things over the years. I took a Psychology of Women class. I listen to some rap. I’m “with-it,” at least compared to most 18-24 y/o white males who grew up in the south. However, there are a few things in life that I absolutely cannot stand. (The July 11th entry is a fine example)
I thought it wouldn’t hurt to take a little time to discuss an issue that has bothered me my entire life. My memory is a little fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure this was my very first complaint; the first in a long line of complaints that will eventually become the basis of my writing. (By the way, spare me the: “taking the time to write about it will just further empower it man” speeches. Nine times out of ten I would completely agree, but when it comes to this particular issue, the “empowered-ness” is already out of control.) Of course, I’m talking about the oldest and most insanely brainless battle that has gone on since the Romans invented aqueducts: Toilet Seat-up vs. Toilet Seat-down.
Let me preface my approaching rant by saying that I know that whatever arguments I make, nothing will ever change. I am aware of that. I’m not operating under the delusion that I can change the world with one meaningless essay that will be read by a few people on their lunch-break. Besides, this ongoing struggle between man and toilet seat goes WAY back. All the way back to the beginning of time:
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July 11, 2007
· Filed under Adventures in Dumberland
Holidays, visitors, visiting, presentations, homework, work; I could cop-out and pretend that any of these reasons were what kept me from writing another entry for so long, but I’ve decided to take the high road. The truth is that I have recently replaced both of my hands with laser cannons, and it took me a while to figure out my new speech recognition typing software.
I would apologize, but it is really hard to remain humble now that I have laser-hands.
Anyways…
This summer I have been spending almost every other weekend visiting my girlfriend while she works in Tampa. During this time I’ve been able to see pretty much everything the bay area has to offer, at least the sort of stuff advertised in the Entertainment section of the St. Pete Times. Downtown Tampa, Ibor City, the Tampa Theatre, the surrounding metro areas: there are a lot of places within a thirty-mile radius to have fun. But like most things in life, nothing is as good as it seems. This past weekend confirmed that when I visited Tampa’s local haven for line dancing enthusiasts: The Dallas Bull.
That’s right… I said line dancing.
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June 26, 2007
· Filed under Adventures in Dumberland
It’s safe to assume that most people today have either experimented with marijuana, know somebody who has, or have seen a movie featuring the lighter side of it (no pun intended). The “pot culture” is as lazy and un-ambitious as the stereotypes indicate, but has somehow managed to slice beyond the veil of thick smoke to turn out a decent number of feature films. Some of the more popular ones (Fast time at Ridgemont High, Half Baked, any of the 900 Cheech and Chong adventures) are good for a few laughs, but don’t rise above the standard one-liners and fart jokes that inevitably dominate the dialogue. Let’s face it; unless you are currently high, I think you will agree that these films don’t really stack-up to the better received classics of the comedy genre.
However, in the summer of 2004 a movie called “Harold & Kumar go to White Castle” would go on to rejuvenate a once hung-over genre. Sure, there were plenty of fart jokes and one-liners; enough to keep the 18-24 demographic in stitches for eighty-eight glorious minutes, but it also had a great plot… silly, but great. As sophomoric as it is, this is by far one of my favorite comedies of all time. I do not use marijuana or even find the drug all that appealing, but there is something about the romanticized quest for the holy-grail being reduced to a stumbling adventure for bite-sized burgers that makes me wet my pants with laughter every time. Three years after its release, the movie has truly become a modern comedy cult classic on par with other favorites like Office Space and Wayne’s World.
Nevertheless, this is not is not a dissertation on the history and impact of classic stoner artwork. This is a tale of personal triumph…
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June 15, 2007
· Filed under The stuff championships are made of
To quote Stephen King in his book On Writing, “This is a short book because most books about writing are filled with bullshit… I figured the shorter the book, the less the bullshit.”
I really like that quote.
This blog has nothing to do with Stephen King or his particular tenets about the art of writing, but I think that philosophy can be applied to a wide variety of different subjects. Writing should be to the point, with a low percentage of bullshit. I’m not saying that I won’t have fun with the things I write, but I think it’s important to be thoughtful while doing so. It is what separates most good humorists from total hacks like Larry the Cable Guy and Carlos Mencia.
This is not my first attempt at self-published internet dribble. Many of the people who will read this weblog are familiar with my past projects. Be warned, I still haven’t grown-up. For those of you who don’t know me, I will spare you from any long-winded, uninteresting autobiographies. If you really want to know more about me, feel free to visit the about section found in the top right corner (it’s brief).
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